i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
