I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
dude. I can hear the air.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
