shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
