i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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