masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize