This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
