Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
