i jhust puked up my retainher.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
