I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
