Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
