Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
