K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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