I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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