My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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