i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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