Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
