It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
