There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
