he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
there is glitter all over my balls
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
