Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize