he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
