The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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