I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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