Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
