well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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