How'd it feel making her break her religion?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
