SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
