It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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