I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
