My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
