We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
