no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
