Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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