i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
