Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
