i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize