I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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