How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
