This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
