Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
