So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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