just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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