Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
