i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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