I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
