so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
