i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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