I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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