ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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