I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
