i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
