Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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