Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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