so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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