I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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