I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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