One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize