I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
