She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
