Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
