I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
