Just fell off a train. Bad.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
