are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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