So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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