God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
