One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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