had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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