Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Randomize
