You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
