he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
