Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
