a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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