please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
